(going to meet my man)
on visiting
smalltown u.s.a.
a blur of cows and branches
and prisons emerge
out of nowhere we
rush to hold memories in
tangled fingers and
polaroids. you ask
for a soda, burger, and
what's new in the world
everything has changed
and stayed the same all at once
your face tightening
remembering each
curve of my lips. we smile but
watch the clock tensely
~~
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(in the sticks...literally)
tomorrow is our last day of visiting. i can't believe how quickly these four days have seemed to zoom by. i am tired. i will not return to work on monday rested, but rather still feeling like i need a vacation. my son has been acting out a bit. beloved and i have been having a wondering spin on the dance floor. i am dreading tomorrow. i wish i could stay longer, but work and bank accounts do not permit it. tomorrow will be a bit sad, but i will be brave. when 3:05 hits, and the COs call out that visiting is done, my heart will drop. his heart will drop. we will hug and kiss for minutes on end, but it still won't be enough. he will go back, be strip searched and lock in to a lonely cell with nothing but his memories of our conversation and kisses. i will go back to an empty hotel room to pack, and get ready for a long and lonely flight. in a few months we will do it all over again. the joy. the heartache. coming together and leaving again. this is the cycle of our life. for now.
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This is a beautifully written post and I am in awe of your ability to tell your story with so much honesty and grace. I have no real words of comfort. I do know that love sustains. Stay present in these sweetest of moments. There gifts here that you and I and are not fully aware of...yet.
Keep the faith. I hold you and your Beloved and your child in my prayers.
Simply beautiful my friend.
ironic: send me an email, ill let u look over this bok of verse i got going to press in two weeks, u prove on this and u can copy edit or proof read my next book of short stories FREAK TYPE SCENE. but recant i speak and write memphis
Lovebabz: thank you for your comments & prayers. I am thankful you are able to "feel" me & our love through these words.
Xtina: sis, thank you.
Torrance: will do. i don't care if you speak memphis. it's all good.
Being placed on observation or in a psychiatric hospital often stems from (1) psychotic episodes, (2) manic episodes, or (3) suicidal or homicidal ideation. I have no idea if this is the case here, but these are standard procedures in mental health settings.
I did a search, for "prisoners wives" a title like my own. You and a few others came up. Your words are paintings, and not just to people like me who can really SEE what you mean...but those who have no idea what the inside of a visiting room really looks like. You help them see the excitment that we as women of these caged men have at looking at the dismal colored walls....at the vending machines and at the look on "their" faces as they emerge to check in for visit...
I commend you for fighting this war with your man. My son was 19 days old when my husband went back. He was two when he got out. And I remember the creative ventures that one must take in effort to occupy the five min attention span of a toddler boy!
Good luck my luv. It was what I thought was the toughest time in my life. But at least then, and now for you....you and your man have that "love" that sometimes one can only find in the eyes of an inmate on visit!
peace.