i am feeling restless.
this past weekend was a pretty lazy. thankfully, there wasn't much going on & i had a chance to rest and relax. but as usual, the weekend felt way too short. too rushed. and as Monday approached, i began to feel hurried and not quite ready to go back to work.
this feeling isn't unusual.
i've felt this work-day uneasiness my entire (working) life. although the jobs have changed, that feeling--the one that tells me i COULD be doing something else--overtakes me. and, as usual i began to wonder.
am i doing what i'm SUPPOSED to be doing?
or is there even something i'm SUPPOSED to do?
hmmm...
i've always been curious about those who are uber passionate about their work. i've wondered how they managed to figure out what makes them SO happy. i've tried to sit, and think, and figure out what would make me jump out of bed and run to work, but i can't quite put my finger on it. there are a slew of things i dig, but not many i truely LOVE.
i've been scouring the web (and my brain) for ways to help me solve this mystery. i know i dig writing. at one point in this blog's history, i posted daily, always wanting to get out a burning thought & discusses things with y'all. i love music. i'm a decent poet (i think). i dig being in the company of interesting people, but finding the passion that taps into all of the things i really can't live without...alludes me.
perhaps i'm just playing it safe.
afterall, i have a son to look after now. i can't be some irresponsible starving artist, hoping my art will pay off. that's selfish. i HAVE to be able to make money (and, i want to be comfortable), so being broke isn't an option. perhaps i'm just afraid to take risks? or maybe, i'm just afraid to fail?
because she has all the answers (lol) i turned to Oprah, her site as least. they have a few articles on "finding your passion." Cheryl Richardson, some life-coach guru, poses questions that will (supposedly) help you discover your passion. it's a fairly long list, but i'm going to try to anwer 5 of them here, and i invite you to do the same (i'm nosey!). so here goes...
the questions (see the full list, here)...
What interest, passion or desire are you most afraid of admitting to yourself and others?
i'm not really sure. i'm not really afraid of admitting any passions or desires. most of my friends know that i write, perhaps they don't know i've always wanted to perform (singing, acting) in some way.
What would you do if you knew you could not fail?
hmmmm....be writer, open my own publishing company, and start a magazine. i've always loved writing, it seems SO damn difficult to break into to. i'd write books as well as write for magazines. i've always been a sucker for the glossies & would love to sit across the table interviewing folks.
What do you love about yourself?
my sense of humor. i'm sarcastic as hell, but i'm also pretty damn funny. i love how easy-going and flexible i am. i rarely loose my temper or get stressed out.
What would you do if money was not a concern in your life?
travel & write.
What one thing do you dream about doing that you've never told anyone?
hmmm....i'm not really sure. perhaps that i wanted to have my own magazine, but i think i told a few folks about that. i'll have to think about this one.
When you were young, what did you know you would do when you grew up?
when i was young, i had my heart (or my head, at least) set on being a pediatrician. how typical. i also wrote stories & tried to get my mom to enter them in contests.
How would you like the world to be?
fair.
i'd like the world to be fair & loving & accepting of people's differences and ideas. non-judgemental & safe.
What would you regret not having done if your life was ending?
traveling & publishing a book.
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hmmm...i think i see a trend forming. how about you?
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Beautiful post...I feel the same when i'm seated at work but I make the most of it by writing poetry or visiting blogs, lol, shhhhhh don't tell my boss :)
I always feel like I should be somewhere else, doing something else. I've always wanted to be a teacher, an Art teacher or French...oh well, c'est la vie. I'm still happy regardless cause I get to do what I love while i'm at work. Love your answers to the questions.
Your speaking tomy heart today! I would love to continue to travel and photograph the world. It seems as though I'm happy with what I do but so often I drift... that speaks volumes to me. Simply beatiful thoughts my friend.
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pursue your passion. i found this on youtube last week.the guy's name is kirk nugent.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=qVT-Quxd2PE
That hit the nail on the head for me/ I've ALWAYS played it safe, never stepping into what I wanted to do. I'm finishing up my freshman year in college at age 31. I'm trying to hone my craft, and for once, I feel so much better! Do what makes you happy! I love to write as well, and the stresses of a typical 9 to 5 killed my creativity. I am slowly getting it back...we only get one shot at life...we need to live it.
lyrically speaking: thanks. i used to have a gig like that. eventually i got REALLY bored (and fired lol), so it didn't quite work out. also i wasn't making a lot of money, which made me even more restless.
Xtina lol: i'm glad you enjoyed the post. you NEED to keep photographing! you take such beautiful pictures! i already told you...that's your business girl. that & cooking (i smell a cook book brewing!)
bygthanks for the link! i will watch it when i get home.
lyten: CONGRATS! on having the faith & drive to persue your degree! you're SO right...we only have one shot at life & we need to make the best of it.
it is obvious to me u shouldbe writing
torrance: it sure does look like it. but then a whole other issue of self-doubt creeps in. *sigh*