"So like most ghetto girls who haven't yet been turned into money-hungry heartless bitches by a godless money-centered world, I have a problem: I love hard. Maybe too hard"
~Sister Souljah from No Disrespect
i recently purchased a copy of No Disrespect by Sister Souljah with the intention to send it to my beloved. i send him lots of books, mostly fiction, but i wanted to send him something that would make him cock his head to the side & think. he's in the box (solitary) right now, and he has nothing to do but read. so, on a recent trip to B&N i picked up The Autobiography of Malcolm X & No Disrespect. i sent him Brother Malcolm's book. he was surprised to get it, but i am excited for him to read it. i wanted to him to see that being locked up isn't the end. this time can be used as a period of reflection & improvement. Brother Malcolm turned his time behind the walls into something so positive and productive, we are all reaping the benefits of it today. my beloved has so much passion and energy and wit and the ability to connect with others, i just pray that this experience does not break his spirit. i hope he keeps his swagger, but realizes how rash decisions can easily change your life (and the lives of those who love you). he knows now. i wish God let us have just one (ok, 3) rewinds in life. but with that rewind we would still have the lesson that that experience taught us. i would certainly rewind this experience & we would do some things differently. but i digress. i was talking about books! i might also pick up something by Marcus Garvey for my beloved, considering they are both Jamaican, but i will take it one book at a time (suggestions?).
anyway, i am re-reading Souljah's book and it certainly has a different spin to it now. being a mother has definitely changed my perception. things that i may have nodded my head at before are much more crucial now. this book makes me ask myself several questions. how do I raise a black child, a man-child, in a world that does not value his life? how do I protect him, yet teach him how to navigate life in a way that is both beneficial & respectful to himself and those around him? how can we help him to be an honorable man?
to me, this book validates my choice of sticking by my beloved, preserving our family and raising our son together. besides, I am not not superwoman (she's dead, by the way). i can't do it all by myself. and there is nothing wrong with admitting that. perhaps i will discuss this book further, the deeper i delve into it (what do you say? you down?). but that quote jumped out at me. i love very hard. and i'm proud of it. it is what will keep us all going.
anyway, i am re-reading Souljah's book and it certainly has a different spin to it now. being a mother has definitely changed my perception. things that i may have nodded my head at before are much more crucial now. this book makes me ask myself several questions. how do I raise a black child, a man-child, in a world that does not value his life? how do I protect him, yet teach him how to navigate life in a way that is both beneficial & respectful to himself and those around him? how can we help him to be an honorable man?
to me, this book validates my choice of sticking by my beloved, preserving our family and raising our son together. besides, I am not not superwoman (she's dead, by the way). i can't do it all by myself. and there is nothing wrong with admitting that. perhaps i will discuss this book further, the deeper i delve into it (what do you say? you down?). but that quote jumped out at me. i love very hard. and i'm proud of it. it is what will keep us all going.
be blessed.
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Loving hard is difficult but best. Your son will see it and emulate. And when he is a man he will take the family that God gives him and cloak his love over them just the same. And later, some mother with a daughter -like me - will be glad you came to this conclusion on this day.
I am moved by your strength and courage, your bravery and honesty re: the name of your blog. I will keep you, your son and your husband in my prayers and my heart. Be blessed.
thanks uaridi for your words.
her soledad: that is my goal, to raise a GREAT son, who will be a GREAT, loving, caring man.
Other nourishment for his mind:
Soul on Ice by Eldridge Cleaver
The Covenant with Black America by Tavis Smiley
Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe
and, hard to find but worth it when and if you do...
Cahier d'un retour au pays natal (Return to My Native Land) By Martinican poet, Aimé Césaire
and lastly, my personal favorite:
Senegalese poet, Léopold (Sédar) Senghor
"my negritude is not a stone
nor a deafness flung against the clamor of the day
my negritude is not a white speck of dead water
on the dead eye of the earth
my negritude is neither tower nor cathedral
it plunges into the red flesh of the soil
it plunges into the blaxing flesh of the sky
my negritude riddles with holes
the dense affliction of its worthy patience."
~ Aimé Césaire
thank you for the suggestions.
i don't want to overwhelm him, but he's such a fast reader now. so i will definitely send him some of those. was looking at "The Covenant" last week. i might purchase 2, so we can both get right.
ps. would love to build. send me an email (if you like). theprisonerswife@gmail.com.
be blessed.