Posted by the prisoner's wife On 9:31 AM
beloved's appeal was denied.
my life has been somewhat on hold for the better part of 3 years, waiting to find out what will come of this situation. now we know. we now know that we have 9 summers to prepare for his homecoming. and i now know that i can push play while we continue to wait.
i have been putting off a lot of things in beloved's absence. i have been so available to him, so willing to put my needs on hold to make sure we are able to see him regularly. flying out to see him is very expensive, but necessary. our son, now aware that beloved IS his dad, asks about him more and more. every time the phone rings he asks "is that daddy?" and he's even told me he wants to go to the airport, so we can see daddy. it causes me to smile, and at the same time feel a bit of sadness. but it's up to us, beloved and i, to make sure this little boy has everything, feels loved, and knows that, no matter what, we will be here for him.
these words are starting to feel a bit...defiant? no, i am not leaving beloved. quite the opposite. i am stepping out and becoming the woman that i need to be to carry this weight. to be the mother, the wife, that experiences and appreciates life, so that i can love even more fully.
i went to see a Realtor last week. this was another thing i have been putting it off in the hopes the appeal would come through. but i went to see her, and despite my doubts, it is possible for me to buy a home (i've even talked to the loan guy). so that is my focus right now. for now, we will stay put on the West coast. it's just easier. my family is here, i have a network of people i know i can call on to watch the munchkin, and my job is here. perhaps in a few years, as the munchkin grows older and needs to see his dad more often, we will head east. but for now, i am focusing on buying a home.
i am no longer putting our lives on pause. i am going to live for today, and plan for tomorrow. i will experience all that i can & love harder and more deeply.
today i am taking the munchkin to his gymnastics class, then i'm meeting up with my co-worker to see Danny Hoch's one-man show, Taking Over. i'm excited.
i hope y'all have a great day & weekend!