beloved's appeal was denied.
my life has been somewhat on hold for the better part of 3 years, waiting to find out what will come of this situation. now we know. we now know that we have 9 summers to prepare for his homecoming. and i now know that i can push play while we continue to wait.
i have been putting off a lot of things in beloved's absence. i have been so available to him, so willing to put my needs on hold to make sure we are able to see him regularly. flying out to see him is very expensive, but necessary. our son, now aware that beloved IS his dad, asks about him more and more. every time the phone rings he asks "is that daddy?" and he's even told me he wants to go to the airport, so we can see daddy. it causes me to smile, and at the same time feel a bit of sadness. but it's up to us, beloved and i, to make sure this little boy has everything, feels loved, and knows that, no matter what, we will be here for him.
these words are starting to feel a bit...defiant? no, i am not leaving beloved. quite the opposite. i am stepping out and becoming the woman that i need to be to carry this weight. to be the mother, the wife, that experiences and appreciates life, so that i can love even more fully.
i went to see a Realtor last week. this was another thing i have been putting it off in the hopes the appeal would come through. but i went to see her, and despite my doubts, it is possible for me to buy a home (i've even talked to the loan guy). so that is my focus right now. for now, we will stay put on the West coast. it's just easier. my family is here, i have a network of people i know i can call on to watch the munchkin, and my job is here. perhaps in a few years, as the munchkin grows older and needs to see his dad more often, we will head east. but for now, i am focusing on buying a home.
i am no longer putting our lives on pause. i am going to live for today, and plan for tomorrow. i will experience all that i can & love harder and more deeply.
~*~
today i am taking the munchkin to his gymnastics class, then i'm meeting up with my co-worker to see Danny Hoch's one-man show, Taking Over. i'm excited.
i hope y'all have a great day & weekend!
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This is terrible news, my heart goes out to you. I do like your new found spirit though. Yes, move on with your life, enjoy every moment and live with the hope that those 9 yrs will be distant memories one day.
I came here to tell you that I watched a video on ABC news, I think it was about a teacher who has her 4th graders all standing during lessons. She had special desks made for them etc etc Now other schools are taking notice and the results are supposed to be very encouraging.
Sorry, I didn't think of bring the link across, but you might find it with a search.
Sending you some good Karma and good energy.
Heather
Ah, it wasn't ABC, the video I mentioned was up on Yahoo's front page.....drats! Sorry if I had you scurrying all over.
H.
that is so sad sister
Sorry I haven't been over here for a while, but I clicked on this today and it took me to this post.
My heart goes out to you, but, I think that you're making some excellent decisions in the interim. You know--you do what you have to do. You're obviously strong, for a number of reasons, so continue to do those things that make you stronger. Life is too short to do otherwise. --But I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. ;-)
All the best.
thank you for all of your thoughts & prayers. we will be ok & get through this. i'm sure of it.
Girl, you're right... keep moving it forward and practice putting your needs first every now and then.
I'd also welcome any feedback on Danny's show. I'm thinking about bringing it to my spot: www.paintedbride.org.
Take good care and know that all three of you are in my prayers.
It was one thing to hear it, but to read it was another. On both fronts it makes me sad. I will keep you all in my prayers.
I will look for my invitation in the mail, to the house warming one day soon. : )
xo
I stumbled upon your blog this afternoon, and I'm glad I did. My fiance is locked up, and your words ("I'm stepping up and becoming the woman I need to be to carry this weight") gave me an extra boost of strength today. It's expensive, it's time-consuming, and it's so very hard to be apart...yet, I would never walk away.
My heart goes out to you with the news of his parole...
God bless.