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I am a mommy, scribe, and middle-school English teacher. I am trying to cope with being separated from my beloved. DoUWantMore? email me: theprisonerswife@gmail.com

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What You Talkin Bout?

Posted by the prisoner's wife On 9:19 PM

I'm reminded of my first crush
the wobble in my knees, first touch
summer love ice cream cone
nights shared with you
nights spent alone
butterflies, first love
sweaty palms embracing a first hug
I'm moved to say in thought of you
I can't imagine living life without you

~Dwele "Without You"

(this song PERFECTLY describes the feeling i had in the summer of 03 when we met. i couldn't play this song enough. it still makes me giddy when i think of us & this song)

beloved and i have hit a wall.

the uncomfortable feeling of routine has washed over us. our conversations as of late have all consisted of the same things: i love yous, how are yous, how's the baby?, i can't wait to see you. silence. ummm. did you watch the game? silence. ummm. i miss you.

i can tell he's getting worried. the other day he wondered aloud if we were gonna make it, if this is all there is in relation to our conversations.

i reminded him that talking is overrated.

i mean, we talk. we have deep conversations where we spill our deepest feelings, we write them down in letter upon letter, but really...does this happen to "normal" couples everyday? methinks not. i think most people don't spend days or even 15 minutes at a time talking about their feelings. we are not new to each other. we have lived together for years, been together nearly 5, and we are to the point where we are just...familiar with everything. i tried to assure him, and myself, that life gets like this sometime. we can't possibly hold super deep conversations every day. no one does that. we talk about our son, ourselves, work, writing, whatever. that's normal. that is life.

i know all of this wonder & uncertainty comes from the fact that he isn't here. i reminded him that we didn't have long, heart-felt daily conversations when he was home. we mostly enjoyed just being WITH each other, and that is the thing we are missing right now. curling up on the couch, watching a movie, taking a walk, going to dinner, or playing video games. we are missing out on all of the non-verbal conversations we used to take for granted, and it is now worrying him. i try to assure him (and myself) things will snap back to normal when he comes home, but who can really be sure?

10 Response to 'What You Talkin Bout?'

  1. T.C. Said,
    http://theprisonerswife.blogspot.com/2008/06/what-you-talkin-bout.html?showComment=1213122120000#c5217209072316152833'> Tuesday, June 10, 2008 11:22:00 AM

    i can relate...true he is "here" and we are a "normal" couple, BUT he is his own boss so we don't see each other much, and our conversations have just hit a wall so to speak too...but like you said its the non verbal communication, the touch, the looks, the laughter at the simple things..and all those things are still there in the midst and in time i believe they will truly be back for you i think all couples "normal" and not so normal have periods where you hit that wall and then its just time to try something different...even if its just telling the latest gossip to spark a laugh...LOL...

    you two will be just fine


  2. CapCity Said,
    http://theprisonerswife.blogspot.com/2008/06/what-you-talkin-bout.html?showComment=1213128540000#c1848687607685864752'> Tuesday, June 10, 2008 1:09:00 PM

    i can't relate - but i do hope you're also discussing the reality of an awkward transition when he returns home that will take time ....

    keeping u in prayer!


  3. sista gp Said,
    http://theprisonerswife.blogspot.com/2008/06/what-you-talkin-bout.html?showComment=1213139280000#c8743717161149226616'> Tuesday, June 10, 2008 4:08:00 PM

    We had a situation today when hubby became irate over a minor situation that I could not resolve at that time. Later we discovered the cause of the situation and it was easily resolved.
    We talked about it and realized the anxiety was caused by him not being home. See, the week he was home for our move was the first time since October 2002 that three of us spent an entire week together. After we talked about his feelings, he felt much better.

    It is best to discuss your emotions, not letting it fester into negativity.


  4. Christina Said,
    http://theprisonerswife.blogspot.com/2008/06/what-you-talkin-bout.html?showComment=1213152300000#c709777825800404974'> Tuesday, June 10, 2008 7:45:00 PM

    In reality, all couples go through it, but I'm sure it is more difficult with your beloved being away : )
    I keep your family in my prayers always.


  5. http://theprisonerswife.blogspot.com/2008/06/what-you-talkin-bout.html?showComment=1213157520000#c4890860246855115107'> Tuesday, June 10, 2008 9:12:00 PM

    tc: yeah, it's the little things i miss, but when we are on a visit, they return. i'm far from unhappy, we are just comfortable, ya know?

    CapCity: true. that transition will take some time. i think right now we are both super idealistic about what we be because we NEED to be in order to maintain sanity. but you're correct, that's something we will definitely have to talk about in depth.
    Sista GP: ain't it hard? i am getting more comfortable with being here alone, which probably makes this level of conversation decrease. we both do the same things everyday & not much changes. maybe EYE need to do something for the both of us. go somewhere different, see something, report back. who knows.

    Xtina: thank you sis. i know all couples go through it. my grandparents didn't talk that much either, but when something big happened, they discuss it. (and they'd watch the Lakers together. *smile* go lakers!)


  6. http://theprisonerswife.blogspot.com/2008/06/what-you-talkin-bout.html?showComment=1213201380000#c6816502209010632986'> Wednesday, June 11, 2008 9:23:00 AM

    talking is over ratted
    its all about actions to me


  7. http://theprisonerswife.blogspot.com/2008/06/what-you-talkin-bout.html?showComment=1213230360000#c7286417517147488413'> Wednesday, June 11, 2008 5:26:00 PM

    torrance: i feel you. i feel the same way!


  8. Lovebabz Said,
    http://theprisonerswife.blogspot.com/2008/06/what-you-talkin-bout.html?showComment=1213267200000#c1026019601815073460'> Thursday, June 12, 2008 3:40:00 AM

    I think you have a good grasp on what is happening. Who has deep, ethereal conversations all the time...are you kidding me. He is weary...on that particular day. Doing time is about being bored and scared all at the same time. It is an odd combination of emotions.

    And at the same time, quality conversations are sustaining and lingers long after the phone hangs up.

    Keep the faith!


  9. sista gp Said,
    http://theprisonerswife.blogspot.com/2008/06/what-you-talkin-bout.html?showComment=1213275180000#c243394151846339879'> Thursday, June 12, 2008 5:53:00 AM

    I admit actions can speak louder that words, but conversation is needed to ensure the actions are appropriatly translated into the correct meaning.
    check this out, http://www.fivelovelanguages.com, my brother told me about it. Says it has helped him understand himself and his wife.


  10. http://theprisonerswife.blogspot.com/2008/06/what-you-talkin-bout.html?showComment=1213332420000#c6638503757976710760'> Thursday, June 12, 2008 9:47:00 PM

    lovebabz: true. it is about having conversations that count, as well as the day-to-day ones. and we do, but we seem to be more so in the dull drums at the moment.

    sista gp: thanks for the link. i will definitely check it out.