This weekend I got a glimpse of what life might look like if my beloved has to go upstate. My family went out of town, so it's just me and the little one. Although I LOVE having the place to ourselves, I must admit it's a bit lonely. I love my son, but there are only so many times I can play peak-a-boo. There are only so many stories I can read. Only so many times I can dance him around the room until I need a break. Who do you turn to when there's no one to give you a break? I don't mean that I need a babysitter, I have one. But just an hour or two, a nap, a chance to read a magazine, some alone time so I can regroup and play with him again. Times like these I wish my beloved were here. What am I saying? I wish he were here all the time. I wish he could play with our son. I wish we could pack up the car and head to the park for a day out. I wish he could give him a bath. Anything. Everything.
Today the little one and I went to target to pick up a few things. When I go to target I love to look around at EVERYTHING and I usually spend way too much money. But today, I browsed the home stuff--curtains, bedding, bathroom goodies, etc., and I all I kept thinking about was "When _____ comes home we'll decorate our house really nicely." I kept thinking about our apartment in Brooklyn, and how we picked out everything together. How we decorated it, carried it from Ikea in Jersey (on the subway *lol*) and adorned our place the way we wanted. I miss that. I miss having my own space. I love my mom for letting me stay and save money, but there's nothing like having your own space. I feel like our life is on pause. There are so many things I'd like to do, namely move into our own apartment, but I can't. I don't want to do anything big until I know what's going to happen with my beloved. So I wait. And I wish. And I pray for things to turn out the way we want.