We all experience anger. Managed in healthy ways, anger can be a positive thing -- a red flag that something’s wrong, a catalyst for change, a good self-motivator. For many, especially those who didn’t have positive role models for anger management while growing up, dealing with anger can be confusing; it’s hard to know what to do with such a powerful and potentially destructive emotion (from About.com).
nobody in my house got angry until the end. my parents managed to keep their relationship drama under wraps until it was impossible & spilled out of their bedroom. but other than that, i don't remember shouting or loud voices. the only time my mom was "angry" was when my brother brought home bad grades, or i was a little too hardheaded and even then, there was no yelling. there was calm, controlled butt whoopin,a talk, and a hug.
i guess i've had "good" anger role models. i am rarely stressed or angry. even in the midst of this prison shit, when i'm so frustrated with how slow the system works or how difficult this whole situation has been...i haven't really gotten angry (denial?). so today, i was a little caught off guard when i had to check myself and my attitude with my students.
they piss me off.
today i was tired the moment i walked in my classroom. this year, year 3, was supposed to be easier, but this group of kids--especially my intervention class--is hectic. they have so many emotional issues. they do not deal well with anger, and they are always angry. i am frustrated with them everyday because i put so much energy, care, and concern into them, but nothing seems to work. they struggle to read, and yet don't seem to put forth the effort to learn. they want to have friends, but are vehemently mean to each other. i try to involve their parents/guardians, but get little support. it is only December, but i'm already ready to throw in the towel.
i don't like feeling like this. i don't like feeling so frustrated with them. i want to affect positive change, want to be an inspiration, but right now i just wish that some of these kids weren't in my class. Winter break couldn't come at a better time. we have 2 weeks to go, and i'm SO ready for a reprieve.
they say talking about your feelings is cathartic, and lord knows i've been doing a lot of talking (venting). being aware of my feelings gives me some power over them. those moment when i want to throw my hands up, yell, and act as crazy as my students do, i must remember that at the end of the day they are acting out & need positive attention...no matter how hard it is for me to give it. i also need to find something to do that will help me physically release my emotions. i'm going to look for a dance class or get back into capoeria because, this right here ain't working.
blog fam, how do you deal with your anger?