i have been sorta mia lately, coasting day to day, not keeping up with posting. i haven't been writing at all lately. my letters to beloved have decreased from 7 a week (one each day), to maybe 3. i am not inspired. i am tired, i am bored at work, and i miss beloved more than anything else. and it hurts.
these past few weeks i have been OVERLY emotional, crying at random movies, tv shows and songs (god, i'm cliche). i've been having dreams of beloved, the munchkin and i at the park or in our home or at the beach, just living as any other family lives. i want that so bad i can feel it everywhere.
on the 4th of july i went to ikea to buy the little one a dresser and when i started to see all of the furniture that we decorated our apartment with in bklyn...it was just too much. i couldn't even bring myself to buy the dresser. i just walked from display to display and took note of what we once owned. it is so hard doing this on my own. i never wanted to be a single mother, but i think it's even harder to be a non-single, single mom. the responsibility of raising a child, while trying to make his life--our life--as normal as possible and include beloved is so hard. i feel like i am on a constant state of pause....and i just wish i could push play.
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Take care and lean on the everlasting. Peace~
thanks Bless, i shall. just seems like so much & yet so little going on all at the same time (if that makes any sense). i can't wait to go see beloved...and that's soon!!! :0)
my beloved sista. i am sending you, your beloved, and munchkin darling love and light as you navigate this journey. you are surrounded by angels, ancestors, and spirit guides. call on them. your spirit writing is beautiful. share when you can share. most of nurture your well within. paz, ananda
ps; i love your blog. beautiful... it is inspires me. keep flowing with the Divine.
ananda: thanks for your kind words sis. i'm glad my blod inspires you :). you have inspired me with your beautiful words. thanks again.
in the meantime though, just breathe............
i can only assume that this is whatever it is and what it was meant to be. as assinine as it is, it has to be because there is nothing else for you, your child and your beloved. the present is purposed. i used to think that wholeheartedly. sometimes i still do. i want to think that way for you now. i must think that way for you now b/x it saddens me to imagine anything else. i think that way for you now and wish you through your purpose... now breathe... again...
byg: thank you. i try to figure out the same things...like is this a part of a greater "plan" & if so, why us? but i guess that is a conversation meant for me & God. but maybe not. all i can hope and pray for now is a swift end to this part of our lives.
I can't really empathize, mostly because I'm neither married nor do I have children, but I hope you feel better.
I found your blog through Stephen Bess, and I'm glad I have a chance to read your writing.
nos & camile: thank you both for your kind words. i really appreciate them.
despite all you're going through - there seems to be a peaceful aura/spirit about you. i'm praying that all works out soon for you, beloved and munchkin (what a cute nickname).
I’m new to your blog, but I’m hooked. I’m in a long distance relationship myself. My beloved struggles to balance a career, family, her relationship with me, and extreme personal shit I wouldn’t wish on anyone, while I get my life together. I tried to set her free but she’s not having it. She tells me every day that she needs *me*. And when I think about it I know that she really does. She is a truly amazing woman. I can’t express enough my admiration for women like you and my beloved.