dear beloved,

today left me
wanting to feel
something that felt
like you

your voice met me
easing into palms
every inch of
distance evaporating

honeyed recitation
chant to gods
of love and war:

break down the walls
break down the walls
break down the walls

between my lips
and yours

i'm getting the itch
to write
(and send my babies out
to the world
again)

the kids haven't played
in two years

but hopefully
some kind editor will
fall for my verbs and
grant them shelter
in a lovely mag.

i guess,
we'll see.

...but just barely.

last week i was out of commission. my voice did a disappearing act, which made it impossible to teach ANYTHING. i welcomed it as a much-needed vacation. now, on the eve of returning back to work...i don't want to go.

teaching has been...a challenge. i realize now why so many people quit their first year. at my school, we've already had about 4 teachers quit, one lasting only a week. even though i was READY to leave my corporate gig for the land of summer vacation & christmas break, i wasn't ready for the emotional toll and the sheer volume of paperwork teaching required. you'd think i'd know what i was getting into. my father is a teacher, although teaching PE is much different than teaching English. but i'm tired, and it's only February.

switching gears...

beloved has been traversing the prison system for about 2 months now and he's had a few bumps in the road. presently he's in the hospital because they think he's not "managing his stress well." one doctor tried to tell me he was schizophrenic because he seemed overly distrustful of the staff, but he's been through a lot *duh*. his last week on the Island, someone claimed he was a gang member, which sort of set off a bunch of unfortunate events. you see, in jail/prison, if you're a gang member, you're under the constant threat of violence from rival gangs. even though beloved's not a gang member, he was still being threatened and was placed in protective custody, then moved to a hospital in NYC. once he moved from the jail system to the prison system, he was shipped to reception upstate. while at reception, he asked once again to be placed in protective custody, but since he wouldn't "name names" of specific people who were threatening him, they refused. common sense would tell you that if you cite people's names, you'd be putting yourself at even greater risk, but that didn't matter. at any rate, he's at the hospital & we're able to talk, but the phone company--some random company--charges HIGHWAY ROBBERY for phone calls. but we have no other choice, but to stop talking...and that's not an option.